I started to scribble and draw from my first year in kindergarten at the age of 5. Initially, the drawings were incorrigible sketches of people and creatures living in Beckyland. Initially, my mother could not understand and hence did not pay much attention to my drawing. She did not know that my drawing was my way of expressing my discontent of my miserable life in kindergarten. I would usually draw when I was in an emotional state.
Now if you would read my history, which is a brief outline of the important points of my life, mostly sad or upsetting moments, you would know of the girls who picked on me in kindergarten. As a traumatized child, I was particularly sensitive to insults, and I took them literally when they tried to frighten me. They mostly told me frightening things about the next level of schooling which is primary school. Those stories resulted in my trauma and initial fear when I went to primary school. Therefore, when my parents first tried to send me to a primary school, I was terrified and told them I didn’t want to go. One of the horrible things the children in kindergarten told me was that in primary schools, poisonous snakes were hung on the doors where we couldn’t see them. They told me that the poison was lethal and that I would die a slow and painful death, I was terrified. On that day, I came home and made a coiling snake, from my home science experiment project, and dubbed it The Guardian Snake of Beckyland.
 Guardian Snake of Beckyland |
In defiance of the school rules, I made rules such as the allowance of jewelry in Beckyland, a rule created after I was told to remove the gold bracelet given to me by my grandmother. After that, I refused to leave it at home, I wanted it with me at all times, so I wore it as an anklet so that the teachers were unable to see it and reprimand me for wearing it. I would arrive home from school and grab the first piece of paper I saw and start scribbling furiously at it without a word. I didn’t seem to care if there was already something else written on it or drawn on it, or if it were not a clean sheet of paper.
I drew inspiration from unpleasant situation, turning it into humorous situation such as my drawing of the Beckyland Circus, in which my cousin was my personal jester, basically because I found him very funny.
When I was in primary school, I drew a picture of the School Bus of Beckyland which was basically my version of a dream school bus. It was a double-decked bus with flowers at the windows. It had beds to sleep in and a roof terrace. All seats were replaced with cushiony armchairs because at that age I didn’t realize that there was a reason why seats in vehicles were attached to the floor.
 School bus of Beckyland |
I suspect that this drawing was made because the boys in my school bus used to tease me and I, being the poor sensitive soul with feelings like delicate china, would take it seriously and start bawling. The bus uncle then proceeded to place me right at the front of the school bus where he could see me and the boys who talked to me. His intention was to stop the boys from teasing me (which worked because they didn’t dare to tease me with him watching).
After learning that the psychologist used the KHTP drawing for very young children to derive an understanding of their emotions, feelings about themselves, concept of their role in life and in relation to other person’s life, my mother supported my need to draw and encourage my use of drawing as an alternate medium of communication or expression of my deeper needs.